when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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