Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize