But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
