Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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