Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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