Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
