Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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