if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
