dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
