im drinking this country out of the recession.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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