two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
