Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
