Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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