Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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