I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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