things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
