my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
