i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
