i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
