we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
