I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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