You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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