and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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