It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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