The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
