ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
