Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
