I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
