The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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