Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
