She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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