Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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