We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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