wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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