yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
