so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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