I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
