I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
