Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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