If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
