Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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