You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
