Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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