I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize