In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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