theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
