im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
