im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
