Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
