Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
