The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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