Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
