At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
