You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
