Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
