Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
