Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
