i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
