he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
