I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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