dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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