Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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