My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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