My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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