i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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