You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
