so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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