New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
