So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
