I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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