I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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