By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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