and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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